


I Loved You All My Life - ClexaWeek2017

by Nebelmeer



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Clexa Week, Clexa Week 2017, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Fake Dating, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Roommates, stuck together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-27 07:28:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9982838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nebelmeer/pseuds/Nebelmeer
Summary: HAPPY CLEXA WEEK 2017“You were into that Finn and I loved you, you were sleeping around with that pathetic Niylah and I loved you! You wanted to be alone, and I loved you, you needed a friend, and I loved you!”“I’m sorry…”“And now… now I’m with someone amazing, someone that cares about me, someone that values me and….” she paused, holding tears back “And you chose now, NOW to tell me you're in love with me!”





	1. You would not dare

DAY ONE, ENEMIES TO LOVERS

\+ Spies AU

“What the HELL were YOU thinking?” Clarke’s voice echoed through the room as Lexa attentions were still fully concentrated on locking the door “What were you even…” the blonde continued, but this time the commander stared at her for some eternal seconds before answering. Her eyes were as cold as her voice, as harsh as her tone “I saved you, Clarke. You and your people. I don’t really see how you can complain, after…” and in that moment Clarke’s words cut off hers, possibly in the roughest way “You…” she started taking a step closer “Raven almost died! And Octavia… she could have ended up with…” she continued moving her body imperceptibly towards the other woman.

Lexa raised her eyebrows, and Clarke felt almost frightened from her icy gaze. Almost. After that, the Commander’s soft voice reached her ears “Success stands on the back of sacrifice, Clarke.” and after a moment of hesitation her tone became stronger and angrier, and, Clarke had to admit to herself, sexier. Her green eyes stared at her and Clarke felt so small, so powerless. It was the Commander of the Canadian Private Service she was speaking to, it was one of the most powerful people she had ever met, not just a random girl and it was difficult not to feel inferior in her presence.

She was so strong. And fearless. And brave. And beautiful, so beautiful that Clarke almost got distracted and almost didn’t catch her following words. Almost. “Even YOU should know that by NOW, Clarke.”

After that, Clarke almost felt the urge to laugh hysterically, energetically, but she fought that, and with her most serious tone she hissed “I DO know, Commander. But what you’ve done today…”  
“What your fellow companions were willing to do, willing to risk…” the brunette continued for her, never avoiding the blondie’s raged eyes. 

“Don’t go there” Clarke warned her, but Lexa needed far more than that to be intimidated “I know that those kinds of choices haunt you, Clarke. But you need to learn how…”  
“I don’t want to learn how to live with that, Lexa!” she cried, calling the other with her name for the first time in a long, very long, time. In that moment Lexa made a smiled that was half exasperated, half amused and her voice reflected that “You’re not above it all, Clarke!” she exclaimed “You are just like us, stop pretending otherwise” she continued irritated, and the blonde looked at her with a gaze that almost showed… disgust. 

After that, Clarke stayed silent for a couple of seconds, allowing her anger to full her before continuing “We are not like you. WE don’t work like that, we… we have a moral! We perform our duties, we serve our country WITHOUT causing irremediable damage, WITHOUT…”  
“Really Clarke?” Lexa whispered almost offended “Really?” she repeated with a smirk.  
“Really” Clarke confirmed “I genuinely don't understand how you can justify it, in your heart, in your… soul! These… terrible… shortcuts! You’re a curse, you’re… an abomination!” and after that, she looked away, in a motion of angry discontent but Lexa rolled her eyes exasperated before forcing the other one to look at her, then she grumbled “You know what, Clarke? Our job requires our hands to be drenched in blood” and saying that she took a step closer, forcing Clarke to take a step back and after that, she continued “And you know it, you’ve always known it. You…” she stopped for a moment, mad at the hypocrites the blondie was showing, then she went on “You, who have led so many to their destruction know it, you… the one that killed her own boyfriend with bare hands, you…” and in that instant, Clarke’s arms reached Lexa’s shoulders in a desperate movement. Not that Clarke accepted that “Don’t you dare! I warn you!” she cried “Don’t you…”  
And Lexa’s hands responded that frontal attack reaching Clarke’s neck, pulling it closer “You killed him” she started “You killed him, without hesitation because you knew that what we do is far more important than a couple of human lives, you did that even if it was an impossible choice for anyone, and you did that because you knew that it was the right call.”  
“Don’t you dare!” Clarke responded trying to free herself from that twisted embrace “Don’t…” she continued but the only result was that Lexa tightened her grab “You are no better than me, Clarke” she said seriously, but after a moment her tone became more kind “This is what we both are, my love” she whispered with a small smile.  
Then she continued, “You can’t run away from who you are. From what we both are”.  
In that moment Lexa suddenly felt Clarke’s body shaking under her pressure, but still didn’t let her go, no matter how many tears Clarke was starting to spill in that moment. 

“I was 18” Clarke began “I was 18, and he was my first love!” she cried desperately “And what I did to him it almost destroyed me! It surely changed me and completely broke me. I was 18! And I loved him!”

Lexa nodded and tried to reassure her, or at least this was what she was trying to do “I know, Clarke. I was there, and I respected and supported your choice.”  
“You did more than that” Clarke replied, with a calmer tone this time, “You encouraged that choice… And you helped me… And I hated you for that…”  
“And I let you,” Lexa whispered doing something that Clarke had never expected her to do. She hugged her, trying to calm her down “It was the only reasonable choice, Clarke” she whispered again “It was needed, Clarke, and you know it, as it could have been needed today, as it could be needed in the future”  
“Shut up… Just shut up…” Clarke repeated “Just…”  
“Clarke…” Lexa called her again, kissing her forehead in an infinite moment of peace and sweetness “You did the right call back then. You did what I would have done and what I pray I will never have to do.”  
Lexa separated from her and moved her head near Clarke’s, staring at her, her beautiful, deep, green eyes. Clarke tried to control herself, but then those words escaped her mouth regardless.  
“I hate you, I detest you.”  
“No you don’t, you never have and you never will.” Lexa said shaking her head in a sweet movement, and after that, she kept staring at Clarke’s mouth without saying a further word, and the blonde noticed that and reacted accordingly “You would not dare” she warned her, and this caused the brunette to smirk evidently “You’re right, Clarke. I wouldn’t. And I won’t” and then she paused for a moment before continuing “I won’t because you will.”

Clarke rolled her eyes before saying “You’re such an arrogant, superb, petulant, irritating… pain in the ass.”  
“I love you, t…” Lexa started, but Clarke cut her off by kissing her roughly “Shut up Commander” she said pushing the other to the wall and reaching under her shirt “Just shut up.”


	2. Your roommate

DAY TWO, ROOMMATE

“Your roommate? Is that what I am to you? Is that what I am to your family? After all this time!”

Clarke’s angered, and disappointed voice echoed loudly in their house and hearing it made Lexa feel a devouring pain in her chest, it hurt. It hurt her in a way she had never experienced before, and it hurt her so much that she could hardly breathe. It hurt her, it hurt her in a way she was not even able to express properly “Clarke…” she started hesitantly, looking for her hands “You know I love you” she whispered squeezing them “You know that, but… My uncle…” she stopped and started biting her lips nervously “Clarke, please…try to understand, please…” 

After a long moment of awkwardness, silence happened between the two of them. They stared at each, both insecure, both bitter. They stared at each other and only after a while Clarke spoke again “I understand he’s important to you, I do but we…” and saying so her hands moved quickly and reached her partner’s face, cupping it gently “We’ve been together for five years, five… living together for two! What else do you need?” she cried exasperated, trying so hard to keep tears back, desperate, disappointed. Then she continued “You’re being a coward, Lexa. I know it, and you know it” were the last words she hissed before leaving their apartment. 

Clarke didn’t come back the next day or the day after that, nor she replied to any of her texts or phone calls. The third day Lexa, exasperated, texted her girlfriend’s best friend, Raven. She texted her impatiently and nervously writing words that she hoped wouldn’t have seemed too… pressing, even if at the same time she wanted to know, she… needed to know, so she typed “At least tell me she’s ok”. Ravens' reply arrived almost immediately “She’s mad, give her time.”

Lexa read that and for a moment the time stopped, frozen. 

She was mad. At her. Clarke, the love of her life, the most beautiful, sweet, passionate person she had ever know was mad at her.

Clarke, her partner, the girl she had shared years with, the girl she had been living with, happily, the girl that had agreed to keep their relationship a secret because she needed that, the girl that had done anything in her power to make her happy, the girl that had sacrificed herself time and again for her. Her… stupid… pride and her fears and her… family. 

After some moments she threw the phone away, mad, and not long time after she heard the sound of her I-phone crashing against the wall. 

For such a long time she had been trying to push down herself, to… ignore her feelings, all of that to be the person her family wanted her to be. She had been raised as a devoted Catholic, every Sunday to the Church to atone for her sins, to ask sorry for who she was, hoping that one day her parents would have loved her for who she really was, without judging her. Sadly that had never happened and the day her Uncle Titus had discovered she was having a relationship with a girl they had decided to lock her into a religious boarding school, a place where she had been… tortured and abused in every possible way and still she had put her family above the love of her life. How on earth had she… chosen her twisted family above Clarke? Her precious Clarke… In that moment she stood up, decided not to let her down again, from that moment on Clarke would have had precedence above anyone and anything else, she would have never allowed anyone or anything to divide them again. Never again. 

Armed with those feelings, she left their apartment in a hurry to reach Raven’s house.  
Once she actually reached there she started knocking at the door impatiently “Raven, open up! Now!” she yelled and once the poor girl opened she practically pushed her aside and entered, looking for Clarke and a couple of minutes later she found her, lying on the sofa, her face visibly full of tears.

“Clarke…” she started hesitantly “Clarke…”  
“What do YOU think you’re doing?” the blonde cried, visibly upset.  
“Clarke…” she repeated once again in a sweeter tone, feeling devastated from facing her girlfriend’s pain “Clarke, I’m so sorry” she continued “You were right. You’ve always been right, Clarke.”  
“What?” the other asked tiredly.  
“You were right about everything” Lexa repeated “Everything.”

Clarke nodded gently for some second before replying “I know you… care about him, but you’re giving Titus far too much power over you, over us, you…” and her voice broke there, incapable of saying a further word. A moment after Lexa knelt before her reaching for her hands and after that, she moved to her face “I know” she whispered “And I’m sorry about that. Truly” some seconds after she touched her cheek, gently, stopping a tear “I was wrong, my love and asking you to be a secret was wrong too. I won’t allow it again, I promise.” she finished, forcing the other one to keep looking at her.

“What does that even mean?” the blonde asked squeezing her hand in return “What…?”  
“Clarke Griffin,” Lexa stopped her “You beautiful Clarke, from the day I met you something changed in me, you… you have changed something in me. Unlocked something in me. For a long long time, I have considered myself above any question of the heart. I was an enemy of love, affection, feelings… I thought that caring for someone would have only damaged me. I thought that caring was only… a disadvantage” she paused for a moment, founding those words difficult to spill “I was afraid, and I was a coward, and you changed that” she continued fiercely “What we had… what we developed together has never been easy, I know, but you taught me that love is not just an advantage, you taught me that love is… everything. And you are my everything, and I want everyone to know it.”

“Everyone?” Clarke asked afraid that she might have understood wrong “You mean…”  
“Marry me” Lexa hissed with a small smile and Clarke hesitated only a moment before giving her answer “Yes.”


	3. Not that bad

DAY THREE, STUCK TOGETHER

Wonderful, Clarke thought, this is just wonderful, she thought again as she saw Alexandria Woods entering the elevator. The young, spoiled, incredibly sexy CEO of the WoodsCorporation barely looked at her as she was pressing the button of the elevator and after that, she started texting frenetically. 

Clarke hated Alexandria Woods, the way she behaved around… pretty much everyone made impossible for her to like Alexandria.  
The young Woods was in fact… arrogant, superb, beautiful. Her green eyes had the power to captivate everyone around her but her voice… her voice was so firm, intimidating. Almost everyone felt under a spell around her and Clarke was not immune to that. 

What was she not immune at all were the young Wood’s casual, insistent looks that from time to time, she gave her. It was annoying, how, from time to time, Alexandria looked at her with hungry eyes, scrutinising every part of her body, just to change prey one second after. Her completely inconsistency made Clarke angry in a way she often found difficult to cope with. Alexandria Woods was notoriously a womaniser, sleeping around in the whole city but incapable of maintaining any kind of stable relationship. Not that that bothered Clarke Griffin, not at all. Clarke knew she had no right to judged her, who was Alexandria Woods to her after all? She was the CEO of the Corporation that owned the majority share of her hospital, she was practically the boss of her chief and therefore her own boss. 

She was everything. Brilliant, funny, cruel, ambitious, intelligent and rich, extremely rich. Spoiled, arrogant, determinate.…and beautiful, just beautiful, so beautiful…  
She had the words at her feet, and surely she had no interest in Clarke, Clarke, who was simply one of the interns of her hospital. Her interested, if it was even possible to catch was… fleeting.

And yet she had felt Miss Woods eyes on her for months, and she had felt… flattered as a result of it, she had felt… excited, because honestly who wouldn’t want such an attractive and interesting girl to be into you? Then the annual fund raising happened.

Two months earlier, she had left that party earlier, uninterested and bored and she had reached the roof, determined to hide herself there and smoke a couple of cigarettes. 

To her surprise, some else had had the same idea already.

Alexandria Woods was there, smoking under the moonlight, her face enlightened in a way that Clarke had found adorable. She could still remember they way her boss had smiled at her, strangely not looking like the bitch everyone knew.  
And she could still remember the way she had laughed.  
And the way she had her smirked.  
And the way she had kissed her.  
And then she had fucked her merciless and how she had left right after, claiming that she had a meeting, leaving her there alone, half naked and extremely horny. 

Lexa was a bitch, and nothing could have ever changed that, she had no idea how she had even considered that she might have been something different, so yes, being just the two of them in the elevator was not what she considered dreamy.  
But worse happened. Some seconds after Lexa’s entrance the elevator stopped and Clarke’s blood froze “Wonderful” she hissed madly and in that moment the other woman turned in her direction “Excuse me?” she said offended and as a consequence Clarke rolled her eyes visibly “I was saying it’s just wonderful” she whispered calmly.

The young Woods looked at her for a blink and then started pressing the emergency button, insistently “What are you doing?” Clarke asked shaking her head annoyed, which only managed to anger Miss Woods more “The phone doesn’t work, neither does the emergency button does, apparently, Griffin, so we are left with just one possible solution.” she finished glaring at the emergency button, eloquently. After some seconds she continued “I guess there must be a blackout, or maybe we are in isolation. I’m afraid you’re stuck here with me for a while.”

“How wonderful!” Clarke replied ironically, rolling her eyes visibly in a annoyed movement “Do you have any problem with me, Griffin?” the brunette replied exasperated, thinking that if one between the two of them must have been offended, that surely must have been her and not the sexy doctor, how could she even behave like that, after… but her thoughts were interrupted in the moment Clarke spoke again “Are you really asking, Lexa?” she whispered, making sure to use her name and not to show any kind of respect, sadly Lexa didn’t see that that way and replied “We’ll be stuck her for a while, let’s discuss what’s bothering you, Clarke,.”

The blonde felt forced to look her in the eyes, and the view of those incredibly attractive eyes took her breath away for a couple of seconds, then she moved her mouth in a smirk, and Clarke found really difficult to say the following words “There is nothing to discuss.”  
“Is there?” the other whispered taking a step closer, forcing Clarke to take a step back, almost trapping her against the wall, looking at her with the sexier look ever. 

“You fuck me and then come back to your boyfriend, and you’re the one with a problem with me, you’re unbelievable, Clarke” Lexa murmured with a low tone, biting her lips soon after. Clarke got herself distracted once again, but this didn’t prevent her from saying further words “This is NOT what happened” she exclaimed moving her head, towards her one-time lover, almost meeting her lips.  
“Is it not?” Lexa replied with a false shocked tone.  
“No!” Clarke confirmed “You… YOU slept with me and left two seconds later because you had a meeting” she finished irritated.

Lexa tried to control herself, but after a couple of seconds anger had the best of her and she replied “I had a meeting, Clarke, that’s true and I told you that. When you, instead, never told me YOU had a boyfriend.”

Those words shocked Clarke, and for some seconds she stayed silent, not sure what Lexa was referring to “Who… Finn?” she said hesitantly, and Lexa nodded silently but exasperated, and Clarke rolled her eyes once again before screaming “WE have broken up!” and Lexa didn’t wait long before yelling “Well HE doesn't know that!”  
“That’s because he’s a fool and a delusional hypocrite” Clarke replied angrily.

Lexa asked after some seconds of hesitancy “You’re not with him?”  
“I’m not with anyone…” she continued with a challenging tone “Not yet.”

Before she knew it, Lexa’s lips were on hers, kissing her demanding and not long after she ripped Clarke's shirt off moving her lips to the newly exposed skin. Clarke moaned heavily and some seconds after her hands moved and reached Clarke's back in order to unfasten her bra and a moment after she ripped it off.

“You see, Clarke” Lexa whispered reaching her underwear “Being stuck together is not that bad after all.”


	4. Adorable

DAY FOUR, FAKE DATE

Clarke had been acting strangely all day and Lexa could not really understand what she was up to until her best friend asked her something she had never expected to her. Never.  
That question shocked her so much that she stayed silent for a couple of minutes before finally managing to articulate an answer.

“Let me get this straight” she started hesitantly but her best friend reaction stopped her “What?” she asked nervously “Clarke! Why are you laughing?” she repeated, slightly offended and the other one tried, unsuccessfully, to calm herself “I’m sorry, Lex, truly, but..” she said kindly, with her adorable small smile “But…you never did anything straight your entire life.”

In response to that Lexa raised her eyebrow and cried “Shut up!” and the blonde simply smiled at her whispering “I am adorable, so adorable.”

And she was. Lexa knew she was. She had never met someone like her, she was… remarkable, in every way. And yes, adorable, in every way.

“Yes, you are” she confirmed and then continued “Explain yourself now, Clarke and remember if you need my help you should at least try not to mock me.”  
Clarke nodded overwhelmed, and after that, she started talking fast “My boss has invited me to this exhibition, it’s something unbelievable, they said Cattelan himself will be there! Do you understand how awesome it is?” and as Lexa started shaking her head she continued “Well he’s… this great artist, his conceptualism is…something… I’m sorry, I’m bothering you enough asking you to accompany me to this show, it’s just…”  
“Don’t.” Lexa said shaking her head “I like this”  
“What?” the blonde asked with a shy smile.God, Lexa thought, she really has no idea of the effect she has on people, on me. “Nothing… you” she answered only after a long pause “It’s just that…You’re beautiful when you’re excited.”  
Lexa said that without thinking and regretted it a moment later. She wasn’t so used to open up about her feeling with Clarke and the way she was looking at her in that moment was not helping. The blonde’s gaze suddenly looked ashamed, and she avoided her eyes “Well, as I told you I’ve been invited to this one-in-a-life-time-event but in these kinds of occasion it’s a non-written rule to have a plus one.”  
“A date?”  
“Yes, a date. Miss Noelle told me I should have brought someone and I thought about you.”  
“Of course you have” Lexa replied looking away, with a trace of bitterness in her tone that Clarke could not well defined, so the blonde spoke again “You’re my best friend, Lexa. Will you do that for me?”  
“Of course” the brunette replied nodding “Of course”

The exhibition was a complete success. And a complete disaster.  
Clarke had never seemed happier. 

Her classmate's brother, Bellamy, seemed to enjoy that too. The boy’s eyes had looked Clarke in a way that had disturbed Lexa the whole night, and his pathetic voice had been even worse, the way he tried to joke with her, to gain her attention… Lexa had never seen anything more irritating her entire life. At a point, Clarke had enough of that and took her friend out to discuss the matter

“What’s the Hell is wrong with you?” Clarke shouted out at her best friend, still not understanding what had possessed her best friend that night “I’m perfectly fine!” the brunette replied, faking indifference “Just fine…”  
“NO, YOU’RE NOT! CLEARLY. YOU’VE BEEN ACTING LIKE A BABY ALL ALONG”  
Clarke’s anger only managed to infuriate Lexa more “He was a jerk! An asshole.”  
“He did nothing wrong!” Clarke exclaimed, defending him and at that moment Lexa completely lost her mind “He had been hitting on you! The whole night! His eyes were always…”  
“And so what?” Clarke stopped her suddenly “It was just innocent flirting! It meant nothing and why do you even care?”  
“There was nothing innocent about them, and it meant something! It meant something to me!” Lexa let those words escape her mouth in a moment of anger, but this time she didn’t regret that. It was about time to reveal Clarke the truth about her feelings. She had waited far too long already and the only idea that someone like Bellamy Blake could have had her… it was unbearable.  
“What do you mean?” Clarke asked speechless “Why?”  
This is the moment, Lexa thought. Now or never, so she took a deep breath before saying the following words “Because… I DON’T WANT TO BE YOUR FAKE DATE! I WANT IT TO BE REAL”  
“What?” the blonde asked, seriously confused “What…?”  
Lexa smirked in her direction, feeling a strange tension rising in her stomach “Oh don’t give me that face Griffin, you had always known that”  
“No, Lex, no…” Clarke said shaking her head “I had no idea.”  
“Listen…” the brunette said interrupting her “The fact is that… I… you know how I feel about you.”  
“No, I don’t! You never said anything, how could I have known? How…” Clarke said, genuinely, insecure, genuinely confused “If I had known…” she started “I would have…”  
“What?”  
“Lex…”

In that moment Lexa decided to let words spoke for her and took a step towards her, suddenly feeling awkward, which was somewhat funny considering how much time she had been spending imagining that scene over the years. After that she lifted her hands to her face, cupping it gently in a gentile move and a moment after she leaned in and kissed her. It was a soft kiss, a little more than a brush of his lips against each other. It lasted some seconds, or some minutes she was not sure but in that kiss, Clarke felt all the affection, all the caring, all the love that Lexa had for her and that sweetness surprised her, she had been such an idiot. 

Lexa, on her side, separated from her shaking, some tears in her eyes, the fear of being rejected in her eyes, but Clarke’s smile surprised her, and the blonde's following words surprised her even more “Lexa… Would you like to leave?”  
“What?” Lexa asked confused, and Clarke smiled at her, in that adorable way Lexa loved before continuing “Can I bring you to proper date this time?”  
“Now?” the brunette asked  
“Yes,” the blonde replied, taking her hand “Right now.”  
Lexa nodded at her and some moments after they disappeared into the night.


	5. Alive

DAY FIVE, ALTERNATIVE CANON/CANON DIVERGENT

Clarke woke up suddenly, sweating terribly, her arms shaking. She strange and confused, but what overwhelmed her the most was the woman that was lying next to her.  
She would have recognised that silhouette everywhere, those hairs, those tattoos on her back. She knew who that was, who she was. But she was dead, she had been dead for days, months… so much had happened and yet she looked around, it was the commander’s rooms, and the girl lying next to her was… 

“Lexa…?” she whispered hesitantly, terrified. That could not, not in any way be possible, could it not? She had spent so much time hoping that her dead was only an awful dream, but…  
“Hello, Clarke” her unmistakable voice whispered turning.  
Clarke breathed in and out a couple of times, and her hand’s reached the other girl’s face. She caressed her gently and let a couple of tears flipping down her face “This isn’t real…”  
“Ok… you need to calm down” Lexa hissed caressing her shoulder “What’s wrong?”  
“Lexa…”  
“Clarke… tell me what’s happened” the brunette said drying her tears away  
“You’re real…you’re alive” the blonde repeated tasting her skin “Flesh and blood” at that moment her eyes were full of tears once again “How is that even possible?”  
“What do you mean?” Lexa asked caressing her forehead, then Clarke started talking again “The world was going to end, Alie… the flame… how can I be here? Is this… a simulation? It can’t be the city of light or something similar to it, what…”  
“Clarke…”  
“You’re alive.”  
Lexa nodded, still unsure of what was happening “Could you tell me what’s going on now?”  
The moment after Clarke surprised her with words that Lexa was not sure she would have ever heard, not from her. 

“Leksa kom Skaikru…Ai hod yu in” 

In a matter of seconds, her lips were on hers, her arms wrapped around her neck, pulling her closer, crushing her lips to her in a hard, needy, passionate, desperate kiss. Lexa was shocked in the first moment, but after some instances she deepened the kiss, opening her mount to let her in.  
The moment they separated from each other the brunette smiled happily before replying “I love you too, Clarke kom Trikru”  
“Lexa… I don’t know what’s going on…. but you were dead, gone, on Ascension Day Titus accidentally shoot you, you died. I tried to stop the bleeding but… and then everything went wrong”  
“All of that as a consequence of my death?” the commander asked unperturbed.  
“Yes, sort of”  
The commander took a big pause before speaking again “I see.”  
“I don’t understand, how….” Clarke started again, still confused.  
“I should have thought about that, Clarke. It’s my fault, I’m sorry” she whispered kindly  
“What is it about?” Clarke hissed “Tell me, please.”  
“The Flame, it’s about the Flame…”  
“The Flame…” Clarke repeated “You still have it” she counted reaching the back of her neck.  
“Yes. I assume you know what it is” as Clarke nodded, Lexa continued her explanation “The constant nearness to the Flame can cause visions, sent from the previous commanders. It generally happens only to the current Heda, but if you spent too much time near the commander, it can happen to you too.  
“And these visions…” the blonde started, insistently “Are…” and in moment Lexa knew she had to fill that gap “Are about the possible outcomes of the commander’s decisions or actions or…”  
“Death” Clarke realised.  
“Yes,” Lexa confirmed.

“So it was all a dream?” Clarke asked still shocked.  
“A vision, it’s more than complicate than a dream, Clarke.” Lexa explained calmly “A vision comprehends a series of vivid images of a possible future but…”  
“You said normally it happens to the current Heda,” Clarke said interrupting her and Lexa had to take a big breath before answering “Normally yes, but it can happen to the flame keeper or to some-else really close to the commander”  
“To me” the blonde suggested.  
“I’m sorry it happened to you, it shouldn’t have” Lexa apologised again, seriously worried but Clarke smiled at her and then put a finger on her lips “No, it’s fine, it just… it lasted so long, so much has happened, nothing made sense, but it felt so real…”  
“That’s because you’re not trained for it” the commander replied with a gloomy tone.  
“And Titus is?”  
“Yes, Titus and Indra are… used to it, they are able to escape the visions as soon that they realise what the former commanders intended to tell them.”  
“Ok” Clarke whispered nodding, finally understanding what Lexa meant and at that moment her green eyes stared at her intensely “I know it still seems strange, Clarke and your memories must be confused, your vision lasted too long, I’m mortified…”  
Lexa kept apologising insistently, but Clarke was so relieved to be there with the love of her life that she barely noticed that “I’m so glad you’re alive, you’ve no idea how it was… to lose you.”  
The crack in her voice made Lexa worry more than she had expected to and therefore she tried to change the subject “We don’t… have to talk about that, Clarke. But you need to explain your vision to me.”  
“I will, I promise. But for now…” the blonde started leaning on Lexa, who touched her hips gently, pulling her closer “We’ll figure everything out. Together” the brunette replied caressing the blonde’s thigh’s “Of course” she continued leaving small kisses on Clarke’s skin, which forced the blonde to arch her back “I’m not…I’m not leaving you again” Clarke’s hissed “We can help our people from here. Together, I’m not…”  
At that moment Lexa stopped, hesitant. Then she whispered “Did you intend to? To leave? Why?”  
“I’m not sure… I’m not sure of what…”  
“I guess your memories are confused; it can happen when you’re not trained properly. Not yet.”  
In response to that Clarke shook her head “I don’t know what’s real, not anymore… I’m so…” after some seconds she asked the one question that was haunting her “What happened yesterday…? Tell me.”  
Lexa took a moment, focusing before answering that “The Ambassadors defied my authority and I had to face Prince Roan in combat to defend my title and my role… Do you remember that?”  
“Yes,” Clarke said secure “And then you killed the IceQueen.”  
“I did” Lexa confirmed.  
“And I visited your room…”  
“You did” Lexa confirmed it once again.  
“And I rejected you…” Clarke murmured, trying so hard to remember everything correctly, but this time Lexa shook her head satisfied “No you didn’t” she whispered with a smirk “Not completely”  
“But I remember pushing you away, I remember it so clearly,” Clarke said with a sad tone, then she continued “The disappointment in your eyes, the pain in your gaze, I…” But Lexa’s expression did not change, a shy smirk on her lips, which forced Clarke to ask for further clarifications “Explain to me what happened. Accurately.”  
“I thanked you for your support, and you replied you had done it for your people,” Lexa said clearly.  
“Yes, I remember that too… and then you left” Clarke whispered gently.  
“I did” Lexa confirmed “But a few hours later you came to my room, and we had a discussion.”  
“I don’t remember that,” Clarke said. And she didn’t, not completely, nor clearly.  
“You were angry at me” Lexa continued  
“For what?”  
“All of it, I guess and at last for almost dying that day.”

Clarke closed her eyes and suddenly all the memories of the previous night came back. Lexa was right, she did have come to Lexa’s room, and…

“I… I think I remember now…” she whispered happily “I kissed you. Angrily”  
“Passionately” Lexa corrected her  
“I teared your nightdress up…” Clarke continued “And I’m sorry about that.”  
“Don’t be” the brunette said laughing “It had been… incredible”  
“Would you mind for a refresh, then?” the blonde whispered kissing Lexa’s neck calmly.  
“We need to discuss your vision, Clarke.”  
“And we will, later” the blonde whispered moving her hands around Lexa’s body.  
The commander tried to resist her, but after some minutes she gave up and captured Clarke’s face to drown her in a passionate kiss “Fine Clarke, do your worse


	6. Third time this week

DAY SIX, FRIENDS TO LOVERS

“Third time this week” Clarke commented faking casualty as her best friend with whom she also shared an apartment.  
“What?” the brunette asked as she was getting ready for her hot date. She was so… excited, Clarke genuinely thought she had never seen her that excited, not even the day she had received the letter of acceptance from the Harvard University course of Law. And this didn’t bother Clarke, not at all, the blonde kept repeating to herself but then her voice came out more obstinate than she had intended to “It’s your third date with her, three days in a row this week.”  
“Yes,” Lexa replied distracted, without really paying attention to her friend.  
“And…?” Clarke insisted taking a step closer, clearly upset and annoyed.  
“You’ve met her” her friend replied adjusting the makeup “She’s amazing.”  
“Yes, I know, but it was only a moment and…”  
“What do you want to know, Clarke?”  
“Nothing, I’m…” she paused lowering her eyes “Happy for you.”  
“She’s amazing” the brunette started turning in her direction with small eyes “She is… intelligent, brilliant! And so beautiful, I mean have you looked at her? That perfect skin and her eyes… wow…”  
“You have beautiful eyes, Lex” the blonde pointed out in a moment of excessive honesty, and she bit her lips, cursing that audacity. Sadly for her, the other one barely noticed that “What?” Lexa’s voice asked distractedly.  
“That looks…awesome” Clarke said with a sad tone, but this time too the brunette barely heard her “I know, right?”

The next day Clarke arrived home exhausted after a long hard day of study and work and all she needed was a night with her person, her best friend, her light. A night with Lexa.  
Once she entered their living room and noticed Lexa’s keys on the table she felt such a relif, incredibly relif, then she noticed her silhouette, half hidden by the refrigerator. 

“I’m so glad you’re home tonight I so need a Netflix marathon with you right now” as she was finishing that sentence she realised that the girl emerging from behind the refrigerator was not Lexa. Definitively not Lexa “Oh, that’s…embarrassing” Clarke continued staring at Costia, who was now standing right before her with a very short shirt covering her body. She knew that shirt, small, white, with small red squares, she used to love that shirt and knew who that shirt belonged to. It was Lexa’s. She had been wearing it that same morning. 

And now Costia was wearing it, and that girl was staring at her, clearly embarrassed “I’m sorry Clarke, we thought you had a class study for chemistry” she whispered “We…”  
“You… yes, I had but plans changed” Clarke excused herself, still staring at Lexa’s… girl, who seemed even more uncomfortable as minutes were passing. Then she spoke, “I totally get it, it’s your place, after all, probably I should leave…”  
“Don’t.” Clarke stopped her “It’s Lexa’s place as well after all.”  
“Yes,” the other girl agreed “She’s in her room if you need to…”  
“And you’re clearly grabbing her some after-sex food” Clarke’s voice came out far more bitter than she had expected to, but before Costia could ever say anything more she left the apartment in a hurry, without an excuse, with some tears unexpectedly and inexplicably falling from her eyes. 

Before she knew she was knocking at Raven’s and Anya’s apartment. 

“What’s wrong?” Anya asked, worried for her friend’s desperate voice.  
“Nothing” Clarke replied lowering her eyes “Can I come in?”  
Without hesitation she let in, then once she was on her couch she started speaking, hesitantly “You…cried, Griffin.”  
“No.”  
“You did” she insisted “Why?”  
“I’m fine, it’s just…”  
Anya breathed in, guessing that Clarke’s behaviour had anything to do with her sister’s new girlfriend “Does it have anything to do with Lexa’s new hot/super-intelligent/again hot girlfriend?”  
“No.”  
“Clarke…”  
The blonde tried to resist tears and once again she failed “She’s… beautiful. And intelligent, and…perfect for Lexa” she hissed while tears were falling round her “She..”  
“But… I thought you weren’t into Lexa”  
“Yeah, I thought that too” Clarke agreed with her  
“You rejected her” Anya insisted “You…”  
“I know.”  
“In high school, she opened her heart to you, and you rejected her” the elder Woods repeated.  
“I know” Clarke acknowledged “I was with Finn and I… she was my best friend and I…” she paused for some instants before continuing “And know she’s with someone else and it’s too late.”  
“Do you love her?” Anya asked after a long moment of silence.  
“She’s happy, now. At last” Clarke replied avoiding that question, but Anya had no intention of letting that go, so she insisted “And you?”  
“I come from our apartment. Costia was in our kitchen, grabbing some food for…, and she was wearing Lexa’s shirt and only and then…” her voice cracked “It broke my heart.”  
Anya heard her story and then nodded before speaking again “You should tell her, you know that…”  
Clarke shook her head in return “She deserves so much better and she’s so happy now…”  
“And she loves you.” Anya interrupted her “She has always loved you” she insisted, looking for the blonde’s eyes  
“How do you know? She has moved on now”  
“Com’on, she’s Lexa.”  
“And…?”  
“The way she looks at you. It’s all in her eyes, Griffin. Trust me, I know my sister.”  
“Do you think so?” Clarke asked, feeling a small hope rising inside her heart.  
“I’m afraid there is only one way to find out” Anya replied smiling at her, but Clarke shook her again, even more energetically “No. I made my choice, a long time ago and now I have to live with that, but… I guess I’ll move out. I can’t bare the pass a single minute hearing those two laughing together. Can I come here?”  
“Of course” Anya agreed “Of course you can, Raven will be excited to have you here.”

The next day Clarke reached her apartment and started packing things, but then Lexa arrived unexpectedly early, and she had to explain her her choice to move out. Sadly for her, her friend didn’t seem to buy her version of the story.

“I still don’t understand why you’re doing so such in rush, you’ve never…”  
“Your sister’s apartment is nearer to the hospital and with the craziness of my shifts…”  
“I understand really, but…” Lexa said reaching for her arm “I’ll miss you.”  
“I’m sure Costia will entertain you, while I’m away” the blonde hissed bitterly leaving what it used to be their home.  
“Clarke!” Lexa cried annoyed and hurt, and the blonde had to stop and turn “I’m sorry, Lex. She’s perfect, you two are perfect. Now I have to go.”  
“Clarke…” Lexa called her, this time more hurt and desperate “You’re hurt.”  
“I’m fine” the blonde murmured “Don’t worry.”  
“Don’t lie to me, Clarke. I know you” the brunette whispered, “What’s wrong?”  
“Nothing.”  
“We’ll always be friends, Costia doesn’t change a thing” Lexa whispered, trying to reassure her.  
“I know” Clarke replied “I know.”  
“So what? If know you that, you surely…”  
“That’s not the problem, ok?” Clarke interrupted her.  
“It’s not?” Lexa asked genuinely confused “I’m afraid I don’t understand what’s happening…”  
“The problem…” she started hesitantly “The problem is that I can’t be your friend, not anymore.”  
“What?” Lexa asked lost “What do you mean? Of course, you can”  
“I can’t…” Clarke confirmed once again “I don’t want to.”  
“Clarke… Why?”  
“It hurts too much” the blonde hissed “It hurts like Hell.”  
“I don’t understand” Lexa repeated again and Clarke couldn’t help but  
“Being with you… but not with you… I can’t bare that”  
“I’m not sure I understand…”  
“You have,” Clarke said firmly “I’m in love with you, I always have been, and I’m sorry it took me so long to understand that.”

Lexa took a step back and closed her eyes.  
Clarke knew her, she knew her very well, and she would have bet that Lexa was… angry. 

“Lexa…?”  
“How can you say that to me NOW?” her voice echoed angrily between them.  
“Lexa…”  
“I loved you!” the brunette cried in her face “I…”  
“Loved?” Clarke asked, incapable of truly registering those words “You…”  
But Lexa did not let her finish that sentence “You were into that Finn and I loved you, you were sleeping around with that pathetic Niylah and I loved you! You wanted to be alone, and I loved you, you needed a friend, and I loved you!”  
“I’m sorry…”  
“And now… now I’m with someone amazing, someone that cares about me, someone that values me and….” she paused, holding tears back “And you chose now, NOW to tell me…”  
“I’m so sorry… so sorry” the blonde repeated once again “So sorry, probably I shouldn’t have done it, but I needed to know how…”  
“How what?” Lexa cried exasperated “How what, precisely?”  
“How do you feel?” the blonde said after a short pause.  
The brunette looked away, fighting the urge to scream at Clarke “Lexa…?” the blonde called her again, and at that moment she met her eyes and whispered the answer to Clarke’s question “I’ve loved you all my life, Clarke. You know I never stopped, you know I love you still.”

Before Lexa knew it, their lips were together, Clarke’s hands holding her closer, her hands finding grip on her shoulder. A moment later Clarke deepened the kiss and Lexa opened her mount to let her in, all those feelings repressed for so many years were emerging, and Lexa separated from Clarke.

“Lexa…?” the blonde asked, “Do you want me to stop?”  
The brunette waited a second before shaking her head and replying “Never” and hearing that made made Clarke smile gently “I won't.”


	7. Words as Weapons

DAY SEVEN, FREE DAY

[Words as Weapon ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHA8Udhgi8I&index=1&list=PLszg5Tp8vN4HHqNstCZw1jjj9YVQtvgly)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you can enjoy this, Clexakru deserved so much more, but we'll always be the most iconic fandom ever


End file.
